Rainy October Thoughts

 

As you get older you sort of wish for quiet in such a loud world. Watching the sunset while stuck in traffic I suddenly got hyperaware that life is passing me by and I am losing my youth. The past few days turned a little blue because I realized that no matter how much I try and stress, there are some waves that I can't control.

 

Sometimes I feel like part of me belongs somewhere else which even I can't put into words and explain to my people. I am afraid that if I ever open up about my observations, they are going to confirm I am paranoid. I don't know man, I have always felt lonely in the sea of people. Believe me when I say that there's nothing lonelier in this world than being somewhere you don't belong or being surrounded by people where you cant be you. I accept that I lost people because of my inconsistency and only being available when my mood permits. I also never lose sight of the fact that it's completely ok to have days like these.

 

It's also funny that I can’t remember how I got from sixteen to here. But who cares when you feel so grateful for the solace given by this solitude and this music.

 

 

 

listening to this music and for some reason, it is really getting to the heart. And suddenly realize that a new season is on the horizon.  Autumn mornings have that familiar smell in the air that always reminds me of the last school days before a long vacation. So as the autumn teaches that it's beautiful to let things go, I hope that I will be able to let go of everything that makes me feel this way.